Month: September 2006

Yep, no kidding.

That’s them–the old man and the infamous “Big Mamma”–showing the world why having children at the age of 21 isn’t necessarily a bad idea.

And also showing my brother, sister and me exactly how our inheritance is being spent.

Does the coconut fall far from the tree? You be the judge.

I’m not shy about my passion for coconut.

It’s on my mind nearly every minute of every day. I covet it when I’m awake. I dream about it when I’m asleep. When other teenagers were sniffing glue, I was sniffing Hawaiian Tropic suntan oil.

Of course, I can find coconut in Spain. But my recent travels to Chicago opened my eyes to a disturbing reality: By living in Spain, I am being deprived of coconut in its most exquisite forms.

It’s true! Every time that I stepped into a Chicago supermarket, I felt like Charlie Sheen stepping into Amsterdam’s red light district.

There were Mounds! And Almond Joys! And coconut cream pies! And German chocolate cakes! And Bounty bars! And Brach’s Neopolitans! And Hostess Sno-Balls! And my favorite of favorites…Raspberry Zingers!

And…and…and…I ate them! I ate them all! As often as I could! But it wasn’t enough! Not nearly enough!

Freedom, due process and a well-armed military are fine. But for me, the USA is all about one thing—highly-processed, fat-laden, plastic-wrapped vehicles for coconut.

God bless America!

After years of believing that pulled pork is something made in a crockpot, I decided that my family needed a reality adjustment. And my recent trip back to Chicago seemed the perfect opportunity.

So, my brother and I decided to pull a pulled pork all-nighter.

My brother may not have a Salivator per se, but he does have a propane-powered Great Outdoors smoker. Sure…a grizzled, Carolina pitmaster might scoff at the notion of propane-powered Q, but I’m not one for pretention. Besides…that which the smoker lacks in authenticity, it more than makes-up for in convenience. And convenience is exactly what’s needed when you’re pulling a Q overnighter, but don’t really want to stay up all night.

We slapped 12 lbs. of spice-rubbed pork butt onto the smoker at 11pm–about the same time that it started to rain. We then–in a stunning display of psychic, harmonic convergence–both woke at 4am to adjust the temperature and replenish the supply of wood chips…a task that not only took place under a heavy downpour, but also in nothing more than our boxer shorts.

That should be an interesting topic for discussion at the next homeowners’ association meeting.

Then, finally…we woke again at 7am to oversee the home stretch.

The butts hit our target internal temperature of 197F at noon–a comfortable three hours before the rest of the family arrived.

And the verdict? Well…let’s just say that nobody thinks I’m a crack-pot for dissing the crockpot, anymore.

[BTW…I know what you’re all thinking, and it’s true. This entire post was nothing more than an excuse to publish the above photo.]

Wow! You guys are good. You correctly guessed seven out of ten songs in the VTB’s “Name That Mystery [iPod] Meat” challenge.

I must say that I’m impressed…particularly with our friend Harsh, who likely destroyed all future prospects of picking up chicks by correctly guessing the LazyTown song.

And yes…I *do* have several LazyTown songs on my iPod.

The winner of the contest, however, was The Big Finn. He correctly guessed three songs…and did so despite his exhausting luxury vacation schedule. As for his prize, he wins a closet full of XXL Tommy Bahama shirts which–coincidentally–are already in his closet.

So, what of the three songs that nobody guessed? Here are the answers:

#1. “Chalkdust Torture” by Phish.
[It rocks…but, don’t EVEN try to make sense of the lyrics.]

#2. “Hot Smoke and Sassafrass” by Bubble Puppy.
[What?! You’ve never heard of Bubble Puppy?! Well…that’s them pictured above. What?! You’ve never heard “Hot Smoke and Sassafrass?!” Well…you must (absolutely MUST!) go HERE and listen for yourself. It’s one of my favorite songs. Euro-Trac will love it. Lady Di will hate it. Angie will be both confused and frightened.]

#4. “My Back Pages” by The Byrds.
[…albeit written by Bob Dylan.]

Great job, kiddies!