{"id":289,"date":"2005-07-16T13:39:00","date_gmt":"2005-07-16T13:39:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/?p=289"},"modified":"2005-07-16T13:39:00","modified_gmt":"2005-07-16T13:39:00","slug":"the-business-hours-fantasies-of-a-frustrated-contracts-lawyer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/?p=289","title":{"rendered":"THE BUSINESS HOURS FANTASIES OF A FRUSTRATED CONTRACTS LAWYER."},"content":{"rendered":"
I\u2019ve been working as a contracts lawyer in the Legal Department of a Fortune ?00 company for nearly a decade. I\u2019ve done the job on both sides of the Atlantic\u2014three years in the US, and six in Spain.<\/p>\n

Yet despite the differences in negotiating contracts against US lawyers versus their European counterparts (i.e., US lawyers tend to be\u2014how shall I say this gently?\u2014bigger pricks), the work itself is always the same. Day after day\u2026year after year\u2026and regardless of the country in which the other party resides\u2014the same contract clauses always lead to the same issues and are ultimately resolved in the same way.<\/p>\n

It should therefore surprise nobody that I spend a portion of each workday lost in fantasy. And the fantasy that\u2019s been most frequent and recurring during the past decade involves\u2026Microsoft\u00ae!<\/p>\n

Working as a contracts lawyer for Microsoft must be a slice of heaven!<\/p>\n

Think about it. Microsoft is\u2014in my workday fantasy, at least\u2014a place where all employees are wealthy from stock options and need never worry about downsizings. It\u2019s a corporate utopia\u2014tempered only by the fact that the majority of those same employees would much prefer to use Apple\u00ae computers.<\/p>\n

But above all, working as a contracts lawyer for Microsoft must be a dream because\u2026because\u2026because\u2026I can\u2019t imagine that Microsoft is willing to negotiate on ANYTHING!<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve even gone so far as to create a fantasy Microsoft contract clause. It goes something like this:<\/div>\n

\n

The terms and conditions set forth in this Agreement are non-negotiable. We\u2019re serious, dog-breath! This is no friggin\u2019 joke! We’re bigger, stronger and richer than you are, and we’ll treat any request for negotiation with the contempt that you’d expect from a corporation of our global stature. If\u2014because you are a naive recent law school grad or because you took one too many anti-depressants during breakfast this morning\u2014you are seriously thinking about altering this Agreement, then we strongly suggest that you haul your simplistic, idealistic ass to the nearest Apple Store and stop interfering with our precious Starbucks\u00ae latte breaks.<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

<\/em>That felt good!<\/p>\n

Now, the question that you\u2019re probably dying to ask me is the following: Is this just a fantasy, Sal? Or do you intend to act on it?<\/p>\n

Well! I am going to tell you something that I\u2019ve never admitted in public. The truth is\u2026I am currently in the process of\u2026<\/p>\n

***{MICROSOFT I\/O DISK SYSTEM ERROR. REBOOT COMPUTER IMMEDIATELY AND CALL THE MICROSOFT HOTLINE. ALL UNSAVED WORK WILL BE LOST.}*** <\/strong><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been working as a contracts lawyer in the Legal Department of a Fortune ?00 company for nearly a decade. I\u2019ve done the job on both sides of the Atlantic\u2014three years in the US, and six in Spain. Yet despite the differences in negotiating contracts against US lawyers versus their European counterparts (i.e., US lawyers … Continue reading THE BUSINESS HOURS FANTASIES OF A FRUSTRATED CONTRACTS LAWYER.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-289","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p75qi3-4F","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":589,"url":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/?p=589","url_meta":{"origin":289,"position":0},"title":"DeTRAGLIA, ON WRITING GOOD\u2026I MEAN, WELL.","author":"Sal DeTraglia","date":"February 5, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"I suspect that more people have mastered advanced calculus than good writing skills. I\u2019m not talking about writing novels or epic poems. I\u2019m talking about every day, real world writing. I\u2019m talking about business letters. Personal emails. Explanatory memos. And don\u2019t even get me started on Facebook posts and Yelp\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Professional"","block_context":{"text":"Professional","link":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/?cat=15"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":34,"url":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/?p=34","url_meta":{"origin":289,"position":1},"title":"AND NOW FOR ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF…”SILLY POEMS FOR IN-HOUSE ATTORNEYS.”","author":"Sal DeTraglia","date":"October 9, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"My employer\u2014Acme Low-Carb Tongue Depressors, Inc.\u2014takes Halloween seriously. Each year, it throws a spirited Halloween party for employees. Festivities include a live band, food, drink a pumpkin-carving contest, costume contest and\u2014the intended piece-de-resistance\u2014a departmental skit contest. I say \u201cintended\u201d because, in fact, only one department ever performs a skit\u2014Human Resources.\u2026","rel":"","context":"With 4 comments","block_context":{"text":"With 4 comments","link":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/?p=34#comments"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":104,"url":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/?p=104","url_meta":{"origin":289,"position":2},"title":"THE OFFICIAL SONG OF \u201cEXPATAPALOOZA 2007.\u201d","author":"Sal DeTraglia","date":"November 24, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Support for our proposed \u201c2007 Expat Reunion\u201d\u2014which I hereby rename \u201cExpatapalooza 2007,\u201d per Pam\u2019s suggestion\u2014has been overwhelming.So overwhelming, in fact, that I felt that the event needed its own song. So, I wrote one. I mean, I wrote the lyrics. The music is lifted from the classic pinko folk song,\u2026","rel":"","context":"With 18 comments","block_context":{"text":"With 18 comments","link":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/?p=104#comments"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":606,"url":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/?p=606","url_meta":{"origin":289,"position":3},"title":"EXIT THE NONNIE.","author":"Sal DeTraglia","date":"February 14, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"After a giggly, gourmet, ninety-six-ish year journey, my grandmother (\"Nonnie\") has taken a seat at that great macaroni house in the sky. When a family member dies, I'm usually asked to write a eulogy.\u00a0 It's a task that, quite frankly, I'd be happy to do without. But in Nonnie's case,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Personal"","block_context":{"text":"Personal","link":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/?cat=14"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.saldetraglia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/NONNIE.jpg?fit=763%2C548&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.saldetraglia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/NONNIE.jpg?fit=763%2C548&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.saldetraglia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/NONNIE.jpg?fit=763%2C548&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.saldetraglia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/NONNIE.jpg?fit=763%2C548&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":208,"url":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/?p=208","url_meta":{"origin":289,"position":4},"title":"LOOKING FOR COMEDY IN THE SPANISH-SPEAKING WORLD.","author":"Sal DeTraglia","date":"March 16, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"[Note: Here is yet another essay that I\u2019ve recently had published in Expatica Spain.]Someone once said that, \u201cA little knowledge is a dangerous thing.\u201d That\u2019s especially true when \u201clittle knowledge\u201d pertains to a foreign language.For those of us who were not born with the linguistic gifts of the average Belgian,\u2026","rel":"","context":"With 13 comments","block_context":{"text":"With 13 comments","link":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/?p=208#comments"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":299,"url":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/?p=299","url_meta":{"origin":289,"position":5},"title":"AN EVENING IN THE DOGHOUSE.","author":"Sal DeTraglia","date":"June 30, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"I\u2019ve just returned from a business trip to London, where I attended a meeting of my employer\u2019s western Europe sales team. One of our post-meeting, extracurricular events was a trip to the greyhound racing track in Reading.And while I have nothing but respect for this noble canine breed, I did\u2026","rel":"","context":"With 2 comments","block_context":{"text":"With 2 comments","link":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/?p=299#comments"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/289","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=289"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/289\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=289"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=289"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saldetraglia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=289"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}