EBIKES: THE NEXT BEST THING TO SPROUTING WINGS.

When I was backpacking through Europe between college semesters in 1988, I rented a moped on the Greek island of Corfu and it changed my life.

I had years of pedal biking under my belt at that point, so I assumed that I knew what I was getting into. I was wrong. From the moment I twisted the right hand throttle and my feet left the pavement, I felt like a baby bird that was pushed from the nest and suddenly discovered that it could fly.

And man oh man, did I fly.

I rode that bare-boned, underpowered, crap-ass moped around the island for a good five hours until it started getting dark and I started getting cold. At one point during the adventure, I distinctly remember thinking to myself, “This is the greatest feeling of freedom I’ve ever experienced. It just doesn’t get any better than this!”

And that was it. I returned to the US, returned to college, graduated, moved on to grad school, graduated again, worked, got married, had kids, and before I knew it…forty years had passed. Forty years without ever again parking my boney ass onto the seat of another two-wheeled motorized vehicle.

At least, not consciously. I did have a full forty years of recurring dreams of owning and riding motorcycles. But I never acted upon the unavoidable urge to buy one of those death traps, because I was far too sensible. Or too chicken shit. Both answers can be correct.

And then, in 2023, I spent Christmas at my parents’ house in Chicago and asked to test ride my father’s new Aventon Ebike. And goddammit…that Corfu feeling hit me afresh the moment I left the driveway.

So, finally…after another two years of hemming and hawing, I bought an Ebike. A Lectric XP4 750. I named it “The Electric Rigatoni.”

So…what’s the deal with Ebikes, you may be wondering? Let’s take a closer look.

An Ebike is a (usually) pedal-powered bike that has a motor (typically built into the back wheel hub, but sometimes into a mid-frame compartment) and a battery. The battery powers the motor, and the motor powers the bike.

Many, if not most, Ebikes have two modes of thrust: throttle, and pedal-assist.

Operating an Ebike under throttle power is a lot like operating a moped. Or a mini-bike, if you were lucky enough to grow up in the 1960s or 70s (yet young enough to avoid all that Vietnam shit). You engage the throttle–which typically takes the form of a thumb-pushed lever or a motorcycle-like twisting hand grip–and off you go. No pedaling required.

Pedal-assist, as the name implies, requires you to pedal in order to get and keep the bike moving. Once you start pedaling, the Ebike motor kicks in and propels you forward like a bucking bronco. It’s a wild and unforgettable sensation–much like, I’d imagine, when the Steve Austin (the Six Million Dollar Man, not the wrestler) first tried running on his new bionic legs.

The next logical question is, “How fast do these things go?” The answer depends on many things, but most importantly an Ebike’s max speed depends on its “Class.” US laws divide Ebikes into three Classes.

Class 1 Ebikes have no throttle and therefore are pedal-assist only. Class 1 Ebikes max out at 20 mph.

Class 2 Ebikes have both a throttle and pedal-assist. These also max out at 20 mph.

Class 3 Ebikes also have both a throttle and pedal-assist. These max out as 20 mph if using the throttle, and 28 mph if using pedal assist.

Let me tell you, people…20-28 mph in a car feels like a snail crawling up-hill through a vat of molasses on a cold day. 20-28 mph on an Ebike feels like Mario Friggin’ Andretti on his fourth cup of espresso. It never fails to put a smile on my face.

But Americans pride themselves on being “free,” even if freedom is reckless and bordering on stupid.

It’s what we do.

It’s who we are.

So it probably won’t surprise you to learn that there are a multitude of “hacks” found on the Internet that will allow you to override a stock Ebike’s controls and “unlock” speeds that range from 29 to 60 mph, depending on your Ebike model. Some of those hacks involve simply cutting one wire in the motor or controller.

The people taking advantage of these speed hacks are precisely who you’d imagine: Males under the age of 23 whose frontal cortexes are not fully formed. The same frontal cortexes that may some day be found within a police chalkline on the pavement.

What do local laws say about Ebikes? Again, the answer depends.

Local laws vary. But generally speaking, many (if not most) places allow Ebikes on roadways, shoulders, shared use lanes, and bike lanes. Public parks and forest preserves may or may not allow Ebikes on walking/running paths, so check their rules first. Rules of the road apply to Ebikes just like they apply to cars and motorcycles; as does common sense.

But, but, but…doesn’t riding an Ebike constitute “cheating?” Uh, no. No, it doesn’t.

I once asked the same question and was taken to the woodshed by a friend who was an early Ebike adopter/commuter. Riding an Ebike is certainly easier and more efficient than a 100% pedal-powered “acoustic bike” (as we cool kids call them)–especially on hills and during windy days. But it’s still a deceptively good workout and calorie burner. Plus, it’s cheaper than buying and driving a car, emits no noxious emissions, and depending on the density of traffic in your town, may even be a faster way to get from point A to point B.

Who might want an Ebike? In my 100% correct opinion, pretty much anyone.

Ebikes are great for senior citizens, allowing them freedom and mobility they’ve not known for years; as well as a good, low-impact source of exercise.

Ebikes are great for people looking to lose weight or get into better shape. It ain’t an Ironman triathlon, but it’s still a workout. And you’ll feel it.

Ebikes are great for commuters who live in a bike-friendly area and work at an office 5 to 15 miles from home. Farther, if you’re willing to wake-up early.

Ebikes, especially cargo bikes, are great for parents of young children who want to whiz past the line of Honda Odyssey minivans waiting to enter the school parking lot.

And Ebikes are great for anyone who loves the great outdoors, the wind in their hair, bugs in their teeth, and a snoot-full of Vitamin D.

Suffice it to say, there is an Ebike out there for everyone.

Cruiser Ebikes for people who just want to tool around and have fun.

Commuter eBikes for people who want to put on some serious mileage.

Fat tire Ebikes for people to want to go off road.

Cargo Ebikes for people to want to cart kids to school or groceries to home.

Foldable Ebikes (like mine!) for people with RVs, SUVs, or limited storage space.

And Etrikes (i.e., three-wheeled Ebikes) for people with balance issues or who, like the current President of the United States, never learned to ride a two-wheeled bike in the first place.

There are many Ebike manufacturers out there selling products at a variety of price points and levels of sophistication. Current major Ebike manufacturers include Lectric (the maker of *my* beloved Ebike), Aventon, Trek, and Rad Power. The number of smaller Ebike manufacturers seems endless.

When deciding which make or model to choose, I have three recommendations that you should keep in mind.

First, choose an Ebike that uses a UL-certified battery. You don’t want the damn thing exploding in your garage while charging overnight.

Second, research the manufacturer’s service network and affiliated local bike shops. Ebikes, like acoustic bikes, require regular maintenance and occasional repairs. Unlike acoustic bikes, these are sophisticated pieces of technology that are beyond the ken of the average tinkerer. Certainly beyond mine.

And finally, don’t do what I did. Don’t wait forty years before taking the plunge.

Now spread your wings and fly. And for god’s sake, wear a damn helmet!!!